> Given then it’s pretty strange to want to be with someone who is diametrically opposed to making your country better

Most people in real life don't really give a fuck about politics.

My wife is a lot more conservative than me. But I don't care about politics that much, neither does her. We both like traveling, we both like football, we both support the same football team, we both enjoy cooking and have similar tastes for food, so on and so forth. All of those I rank higher than being with someone that happens to think like me in politics or economics.

> Most people in real life don't really give a fuck about politics.

Which is a shame because if they did they wouldn't vote against their own interests.

You’re basically saying you’re fine either way so it doesn’t matter to you. But it does matter for a bunch of real people who’s freedoms are compromised by policy decisions.

> Which is a shame because if they did they wouldn't vote against their own interests.

I am not haughty nor arrogant enough to presume I know what is best for other people. Above all I value democracy. People can - and should - vote for whatever they want.

That extends to the right of being oblivious to politics.

> You’re basically saying you’re fine either way so it doesn’t matter to you

That's not what I said. I said that my opinions on politics and economics don't sit front and center on my personal relationships.

I pay attention to politics to understand where the wind blows. I have investments to manage, a mortgage to pay, and a daughter to raise. Understanding how to operate according to political and economic decisions by those in power is important. It just doesn't matter much for my personal relationships.

> But it does matter for a bunch of real people who’s freedoms are compromised by policy decisions.

Freedom is not unlimited. Nor it should be. Democracy is above all a compromise that ensures nobody will be really happy.

I'm not sure what to do about this- how to relate to people whose single minded obsession with politics has tinted every aspect of their lives and thoughts, and they think people that don't see it that way are complicit with their "evil enemies."

It's becoming more and more common, and awful. I see this a lot- my family can't even have holiday get togethers anymore, because people that used to get along great have now "joined opposite sides" and can't talk or think about anything else anymore. They'll start lecturing each other loudly, and literally can't think or listen to other people anymore. They do this even if everyone present agrees with them!

What is actually happening is the opposite of what they seem think- it's not the other people that are checked out of real life and not taking a stand on things that are actually important-- it is them. Obsessively and angrily watching news doesn't solve problems, nor does blind application of any ideology. Ranting at people with your ears and mind shut down doesn't convince anyone of anything.

A simple minded obsession like that can't exist in a healthy person that is actually engaged with the things they care about, and have personal control over. They're not good parents, family members, employees, or community members anymore - the kind of people engaged with making the world better through direct actions - but angry closed minded zealots.

I'd like to help these people become human again, and stop obsessing over politics in a way that dehumanizes anyone that doesn't perfectly agree with them. My thought is that it is an emotional problem, and not about the politics at all. They seem to be projecting their own personal anxieties and fears into a political framework, as a distraction from understanding and dealing with them. Or conversely, politics has found a way to weaponize personal emotional problems as a way to engage supporters.

It is weird… weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-)

You cannot solve real problems in the real world or actually make the future better with blind application of a simple ideology- real life is too nuanced and complex. You have to approach each individual problem with creativity, and an open mind. You also have to take an active leadership position to solve a real problem, not just watch TV and vote.

If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet.

> If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet.

That seems super dismissive and disrespectful. Honestly HN is usually better than this.

Being politically aligned is nothing like “wanting a pet” wtf.

If anything it’s more equitable that you are aligned on your values whatever they might be.

I have no idea how you can fail to recognise that a polarised two party system draws some pretty hard lines along your value system.

Would you date a republican who supports removing abortion rights for women, would you date a tory who supports privatising vital public services for personal gain of the few? (Note I’ve used right wing policy's but you can pull left wing examples of this as well).

> weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-)

This is such a strange thing to say, you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN.

You misunderstood everything I wrote. An intelligent person that is actually taking effective action according to their values doesn't see things in simple black and white political ideologies. Dating someone that sees the world so simply would be like dating a child or having a pet, not having an actual partner. Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not. Smart people that share my values don't have values that reduce to a simple political ideology or party.

There is no nice way to say this- because you are saying you see the world this way, and I am saying anyone that sees the world that was is either naive or stupid. I don't mean to insult you or your views, but that's how I see it. I don't blame you if you find it insulting and are upset at me.

For example, my fiancee and I work in totally different fields but both care a lot about climate change, and have developed solutions to mitigate its impacts. Both of us have received substantial financial and political support and work daily with people from "both sides" to make this work possible. A lot of conservatives care deeply about things like reducing foreign oil dependence, protecting farms and fisheries, and preventing climate related property damage- and are willing to spend big money on solving those problems.

> you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN

It's the simple truth, I'm someone that doesn't really try to "fit in" so I'm seen as weird by people that do, and I get along better with other people like that.

>Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not.

Voting is an action. If my partner (or anyone else) tells me they are going to vote for the person headlining a goal of taking away my daughter's ability to get healthcare, then they move into the category of people who want to harm my children.

You are misunderstanding me in the same way the above poster is. Both you and them seem so obsessed with the idea of blind us vs them partisan politics, you can’t even comprehend that there are people that don’t think that way. It’s not that I would date someone with “opposing” partisan affiliation, but that I won’t date anyone that sees the world through a lens of politics instead of real issues they can solve with creativity and an open mind.

If my/our kid was going to lose healthcare and all they did was vote for the latest liar that says the same old idea will solve that problem- they are either ignorant, or don’t actually care.

The whole thing is largely a game people play to avoid guilt of not actually doing anything about the things they claim to care about… and is deeply encouraged in media and on social media to the point that people don’t even notice how absurd it is.

Almost every older “boomer” that I know has their brain so infected with this they do nothing but watch TV and rant about politics… and of course take zero action besides voting- which shows the only care about the us vs them conflict and don’t actually care about any issues enough to do something real about them.

I miss these people, sometimes it feels like they died because there is nothing left to their previous personalities. They take no actions, no risks, and have no ideas of their own anymore.

>but that I won’t date anyone that sees the world through a lens of politics instead of real issues they can solve with creativity and an open mind.

Politics is the mechanism for solving real issues. It’s war without violence.

> If my/our kid was going to lose healthcare and all they did was vote for the latest liar that says the same old idea will solve that problem- they are either ignorant, or don’t actually care.

This is trivializing the work of countless civil rights activities (who may have also been elected leaders). Those “latest liars” and the people who voted for them contributed to slavery being abolished, women’s suffrage, civil rights, women’s healthcare rights, cannabis legalization, etc.

> The whole thing is largely a game people play to avoid guilt of not actually doing anything about the things they claim to care about… and is deeply encouraged in media and on social media to the point that people don’t even notice how absurd it is.

I have participated in numerous political campaigns, canvassed, even ran and held some local positions. We got things like paid parental leave, paid sick leave, and increases in minimum wages and exempt salaries passed.

It is us vs them. I’m okay with debating things like tax policy or government spending or city planning or environmental concerns. That deal with shared resources that requires a compromise.

I draw the line at violating my kids’ civil rights for no reason. Her body is not a shared resource, so there is zero need to compromise, and there is zero justification for someone else’s morals to come between a doctor and my daughter’s health.

This is not even getting into supporting things like baseless election fraud claims and Jan 6 attacks on the democratic process.

I’m completely failing to communicate what I am trying to say- and you are mapping it to a totally incorrect idea. I am talking about a person that thinks strategically and creatively about solving real world problems, and does not think about the world through a simple dogmatic black and white story where everything is a zero-sum war between a "good" and a "bad" group. That does not at all mean they ignore or are indifferent to politics, but their political views are much more complex than one binary bit of information. I have really nothing to add other than you could consider rereading it with the assumption you misunderstood.

You’re also missing the point that this is about what I look for in someone I want to date- it’s fine if you don’t feel the same.

As an aside, those things you mentioned are indeed great historical triumphs I care deeply about- and were in fact architected by people that saw things as I do. You are only understanding part of the story- and without the whole thing you could not replicate it yourself.

Politics in a democracy is downstream of cultural and technological changes- you have to make that change first, and the political change will follow. The people creating the new ideas, the people leading the cultural changes, and the people leading the final political and legislative changes are all important, but also all very different types of people with different skill sets and personalities.

I’ll also add that all political parties have a simple narrative that essentially all big problems are caused by their opponents opposition. The truth is, problems can’t actually be solved with blind application of ideology. Most of the big problems humans face together, we don't have great solutions for yet. There are pockets of the USA for example where one party or the other has total control, and locally implements their entire agenda, and it always turns out awful for both parties- their ideas only seem like they could work until you actually try them.

As young adult I was very naive and very politically active on the left. Eventually I moved to like minded places where the things I had been fighting for had already been implemented. I had already seen, from the rural area where I grew up that the ideas from the right didn't work great. I was horrified to learn that the ideas from the left just didn’t work either- good intentions can’t make up for bad ideas.