> But I don't imagine literal boys would pick up a for-dummies book on the opposite sex).
I would have jumped at such a book when I was 15 and trying to understand my girlfriend of 13.
First lessons: She has a LOT of deep concerns about her life and family; e.g., is she pretty enough; some of these concerns are strong enough to be anxieties. From these concerns, she has low self-esteem. She is just painfully lonely and desperate for friendship, approval, emotional security, not feeling alone, and maybe romance. She has raging emotions, likely including about sex and romantic relationships, and, thus, is terrified about her 'reputation', getting hurt emotionally, and maybe about getting pregnant. You need to understand her and respond to her, to give her what you can of what she needs.
So, need to think a lot about how she has been behaving, what she has been saying or not saying, etc., guess what is going on, get into some non-stressful conversations that can shed more light, understand her, and then help her.
In simple terms, yes, not much of a surprise, she is 'needy'; it's easy to suspect that Mother Nature finds that this has 'reproductive advantage' and likes it.
But after school you want to take her for an ice cream cone, hold her hand, if only by some subtle means let her know you think that she is really terrific, and see her smile. For making her smile, with the right feelings for her, you might like her smiles so much you suspect you could give up food and water and live just on her smiles.
After the ice cream cone, hidden behind a tree, you might kiss her six times on her forehead. That afternoon will be burned into your brain, and for the rest of your life you will no more be able to forget it or her than you could forget your own name.
Not many boys of 15 know these things, and they very much need to, these things and many more, before picking a wife or having children, especially daughters.
> It's also become in vogue to regard boys as psychologically and emotionally stunted, compared to girls. The title just seemed to hint toward that trend.
Sorry, but "in vogue" or not, once with an expert I told him that it seemed that women were so darned emotional. Then right away the expert explained, "Of COURSE women are MUCH more emotional than men. That is the cause of all the problems.". He was both very much an expert and not joking at all. Also read some of D. Tannen that I referenced. Or read some of E. Fromm where he says, "Men and women deserve equal respect as persons but are not the same.". Look up the recent study I mentioned that showed that in the crib girls are interested in people and boys, in things. Be around some children and just observe, even in a grocery store: The girls will make eye contact, and the boys will play with things. YMMV, and I don't have more careful scientific evidence for you, but it would be a radical claim that boys and girls are the same 'socially' and 'psychologically'.
The norms are common in movies: E.g., watch 'Back to School' and look at the girl: She is socially insightful, 'understanding' (in the sense of forgiving), sympathetic, empathetic, emotionally supportive, a peacemaker, etc.
> And women's higher social/emotional intelligence doesn't seem to help them in their relations towards men.
No, that 'EI' is just crucial for both girls and women; other than physical beauty (quickly fades?), physical love making, and motherhood, it's a lot of all the rest they have "in their relations towards men" and, really, one of the crucial ways they have to keep 'him' happy "'till death do we part".
But, yes, still women do have big problems. My proposed book, if not just a joke to illustrate the need for such a book, would be intended to help.
An old but common joke is that girls, girlfriends, and wives don't come with an instruction manual. I believe that boys and men need one.
I would have jumped at such a book when I was 15 and trying to understand my girlfriend of 13.
First lessons: She has a LOT of deep concerns about her life and family; e.g., is she pretty enough; some of these concerns are strong enough to be anxieties. From these concerns, she has low self-esteem. She is just painfully lonely and desperate for friendship, approval, emotional security, not feeling alone, and maybe romance. She has raging emotions, likely including about sex and romantic relationships, and, thus, is terrified about her 'reputation', getting hurt emotionally, and maybe about getting pregnant. You need to understand her and respond to her, to give her what you can of what she needs.
So, need to think a lot about how she has been behaving, what she has been saying or not saying, etc., guess what is going on, get into some non-stressful conversations that can shed more light, understand her, and then help her.
In simple terms, yes, not much of a surprise, she is 'needy'; it's easy to suspect that Mother Nature finds that this has 'reproductive advantage' and likes it.
But after school you want to take her for an ice cream cone, hold her hand, if only by some subtle means let her know you think that she is really terrific, and see her smile. For making her smile, with the right feelings for her, you might like her smiles so much you suspect you could give up food and water and live just on her smiles.
After the ice cream cone, hidden behind a tree, you might kiss her six times on her forehead. That afternoon will be burned into your brain, and for the rest of your life you will no more be able to forget it or her than you could forget your own name.
Not many boys of 15 know these things, and they very much need to, these things and many more, before picking a wife or having children, especially daughters.
> It's also become in vogue to regard boys as psychologically and emotionally stunted, compared to girls. The title just seemed to hint toward that trend.
Sorry, but "in vogue" or not, once with an expert I told him that it seemed that women were so darned emotional. Then right away the expert explained, "Of COURSE women are MUCH more emotional than men. That is the cause of all the problems.". He was both very much an expert and not joking at all. Also read some of D. Tannen that I referenced. Or read some of E. Fromm where he says, "Men and women deserve equal respect as persons but are not the same.". Look up the recent study I mentioned that showed that in the crib girls are interested in people and boys, in things. Be around some children and just observe, even in a grocery store: The girls will make eye contact, and the boys will play with things. YMMV, and I don't have more careful scientific evidence for you, but it would be a radical claim that boys and girls are the same 'socially' and 'psychologically'.
The norms are common in movies: E.g., watch 'Back to School' and look at the girl: She is socially insightful, 'understanding' (in the sense of forgiving), sympathetic, empathetic, emotionally supportive, a peacemaker, etc.
> And women's higher social/emotional intelligence doesn't seem to help them in their relations towards men.
No, that 'EI' is just crucial for both girls and women; other than physical beauty (quickly fades?), physical love making, and motherhood, it's a lot of all the rest they have "in their relations towards men" and, really, one of the crucial ways they have to keep 'him' happy "'till death do we part".
But, yes, still women do have big problems. My proposed book, if not just a joke to illustrate the need for such a book, would be intended to help.
An old but common joke is that girls, girlfriends, and wives don't come with an instruction manual. I believe that boys and men need one.