I simply can't resist downvoting you, but alas, see what will happen to you if you joke about others misery?
On the serious note though, there is this thing called "empathy" where a person has the capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person. Have you ever been paralyzed by procrastination even when you knew that your continued inaction would be very bad for you? I have, so it's easy for me to understand what he's going through.
If you are procrastinating that much, to the point you are on the verge of literally dying or starving, there is probably an underlying issue like social anxiety, depression, etc that is triggering the procrastination reaction as an avoidance mechanism. I am not sure he is really "enjoying" it, despite what he said. (I am not a psychologist but I play one on Internet.)
Because everyone needs help at some point in their lives and oftentimes a kind gesture from someone is all they need to get started turning things around.
I know that I am not perfect and have certainly made poor decisions in my life. But if you feel that being compassionate is not appropriate in this situation at the very least OP could stay quiet and not make jokes about another person's suffering.
Down-vote me all you can, but OP's situation is most definitely self inflicted.
It's the same with drug addicts. They can't help it. You can be compassionate with them, but it won't help them. What they need is a kick in their arse to fling them out of their comfort zone and embrace the big changes.
Hopefully, OP's new job shall open his eyes and guide him in the right direction.
He does not seem to be handicapped neither mentally nor physically -- and there are millions of people in much more need than such a victim of procrastination.
I think there's nothing wrong in making a joke, but not making fun of people. There is a difference, and I beg your pardon if you parsed mine as a latter.
Especially considering the fact that I went against the reddit traditions and added a "serious note" after the joke ;)
On the serious note though, he did admit he enjoys procrastinating. Why would I help someone who never had and still does not have any motivation?