If you choose to not have kids, think very carefully about this. Reading things like this post may help you anticipate some of the emotions you are going to feel.
I say this because I've witnessed a pattern that I find very tragic: A couple in their relative youth (30s) decide that they don't want kids. Later, however, they start having second thoughts. And by the time they decide that they do want kids, they are desperate.
IVF rates, to my knowledge, are still pretty low (once you rule out the four-fertilizations-at-once average-movers), and carrying to term is also hard. So there is depression and tragedy every time the bad news is revealed- the pregnancy didn't take, or the woman miscarried.
I know several people who regret not having kids, but I don't know any who regret having kids (or, to be fair, admit to regretting it).
I'm not trying to preach here, I'm just saying that I would recommend only making the decision not to have kids after giving it a deep, emotional consideration. The rational reasons (I wouldn't be good at it, etc.), may not hold up as you age.
This is an extremely important comment that I'm glad has been made in the midst of the other "kids are overrated" comments I see here. If you don't want kids, great. But if you are in your early 30s and don't have much of an opinion yet, start thinking about it right now. Fertility drops like a stone in the mid thirties, and due to our delays in this area my wife and I will probably remain childless despite an outlay of many tens of thousands of dollars over the course of seven years towards many failed fertility procedures. If writing a check for $20000 in exchange for absolutely nothing but yet another heartbreak in return doesn't appeal to you, please make sure you make thoughtful decisions about having kids sooner than you might usually think is warranted.
Adoption is a $30-$60K process to embark upon and often takes years, featuring many potential roadblocks - the recent Russian decision for example shuts the door to many couples who've been waiting for months or years on waiting lists. Domestic adoption is a complex process also.
Assuming our upcoming donor cycle fails, adoption will be our final alternative. We are in our mid-40s now.
It varies a lot based on how picky you are with your choice of child. That said, a quick and easy adoption of the most available child is more likely to be followed by a life time of having a less healthy child, for various kinds of health issue.
That said, I think it is good communitarian practice to be involved in at least one adoption, as a parent or sibling. There are so many abandoned or abused kids who deserve better than what they have.
> You don't really know that having waited is why you can't have kids.
We're pretty certain of the causes of our infertility and they are related to a specific degenerative condition. It's true we got married too late to start with, which itself was the product of overly casual attitudes; but this is not the purpose of my comment.
The purpose of my post is as a PSA for readers who see this thread and might need to be informed that being undecided in your early 30's is very quickly too late (unless you are male and plan to marry someone much younger). Fertility declines with age, very rapidly, particularly for females. The assisted fertility system is by no means a guaranteed workaround for this, and is in fact an extremely expensive and frustrating system to deal with no matter the outcome.
I say this because I've witnessed a pattern that I find very tragic: A couple in their relative youth (30s) decide that they don't want kids. Later, however, they start having second thoughts. And by the time they decide that they do want kids, they are desperate.
IVF rates, to my knowledge, are still pretty low (once you rule out the four-fertilizations-at-once average-movers), and carrying to term is also hard. So there is depression and tragedy every time the bad news is revealed- the pregnancy didn't take, or the woman miscarried.
I know several people who regret not having kids, but I don't know any who regret having kids (or, to be fair, admit to regretting it).
I'm not trying to preach here, I'm just saying that I would recommend only making the decision not to have kids after giving it a deep, emotional consideration. The rational reasons (I wouldn't be good at it, etc.), may not hold up as you age.