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It's now customary, in order to comply with European regulations, to present users with a list of possible violent crimes against their person that they can opt out of before using a website. This ensures that non-consent to stabbing is always an active choice, so that users who want to be stabbed or otherwise maimed won't accidentally miss out on the opportunity.


We value your body integrity. We and our 1492 partners would like to stab you.


Please use this outlandishly convoluted form to opt out of every single one individually.

You might also want to read our ToS in order to stay informed about the multiple ways, some of them illegal under EU law, you still will get stabbed.

(Approximate reading time: 4h53m, assuming a law degree and multiple years of experience in data protection law practice)


We also have a monthly paid plan that allows you to avoid some of the stabbing automatically (but not all of it).

Estimated cost for paying every random website you stumble upon: one bazillion dollar / month (imitates Dr. Evil face)


Is this part of a long term plan for opt-in suicide booths in New New York City?




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