Everyone tells you it goes fast but you really can't prepare for the whiplash you get when 20 years have slid by.
To anyone with little kids; no amount of money is worth the time you have with them. Literally none. You can never get that time back, and every experience for them is important.
Subsequently, I think I understand why parents are almost always better grandparents. They get it.
Those of you in the rat race, when you get home after a hard day and an hour of sitting in traffic, please, just sit in your car for a minute or two. Shed all of that. Pick a tree in your front yard and name it your worry tree. Before you go in, leave your stress/worries/frustrations with it. It won't stay gone but the intention will make it so those first five minutes when you walk into the door you can be present and enjoy your kids, instead of just bringing in a ball of intensity they won't understand.
Those memories of 'mommy's home' or 'daddy's home' shouts of joy when you go inside are pure gold for the rest of your life.
I think the idea is “no amount of money beyond what you can reasonable attain in a balanced work period” is worth pursuing over your relationship with your kids, but it probably is worth specifying. I think some people find the notion so absurd that they don’t take it as seriously as they should.
I don’t consider myself totally stupid but it took me many years to figure this out. I took major salary cuts to find work with real balance. And to do work I could be proud of as well. I could have started much sooner but I felt this force pushing me to earn a bit more. Vacations could be a little longer (though I’d have to put out fires while I’m on them). We could afford a home (though kids don’t actually care all that much if you rent or own, anyway). I could afford more convenient food to save time (though my kids prefer when I take time to cook nice food from scratch for them). Ultimately it’s like… Your kids will be happy because you are, and you’re spending time with them. It’s that simple. If you can pay the bills, that’s good enough.
The balance is tough to find. I think this is especially true if you grow up poor, or come from a family with very high expectations. Both seem to be poison for the mind when it comes to finances and perception of success. In both cases there’s never enough.
My post doc mentor gave me that book to read, and didn't really tell me why. The first half is socialite nonsense. But then there's a deep dive into finding joy in life that isn't related to work.
He could see that my very poor background was making me look to move up to high pay, high stress jobs and was politely trying to intervene.
Finding balance is hard, but worth it. I'm making less than I should at a job that's okay. But I have 45 days of PTO, and another 18-20 holidays. I can take two full months off every year and nobody complains.
Thanks, I’ll check that out. Lately I love finding stuff like this not only for myself, but for my kids eventually who I’ll probably need to indirectly nudge here and there as your post doc mentor did.
That all sounds great to me. I can say with certainty that it would have sounded terrible 10 years ago. How can you waste all that time not advancing your career? The irony is that the PTO and holidays absolutely do advance your career in the sense that they make you a more complete, fulfilled person who can keep cracking away at their career in a steady and consistent fashion for the decades to come. When you’re 25 you have no idea how badly you’ll need that, and how soon.
To anyone with little kids; no amount of money is worth the time you have with them. Literally none. You can never get that time back, and every experience for them is important.
Subsequently, I think I understand why parents are almost always better grandparents. They get it.