I do agree that you should be able to say how you feel, but "You fucking changed my CSS" is an overreaction. I work on a project with 4 or 5 other people. Sometimes they change something and it breaks me, and sometimes I change things and it breaks them. When that happens I can choose to react in a few ways:
1) "You fucking broke my code."
2) "Why did you change my code?"
3) "Why you change THE code/Why did you make this change?"
4) Ignore it and fix it myself.
Of the 4, #3 is probably the most appropriate reaction and can easily be stated as "Why did you make this change? It broke functionality/function X!" And it easily conveys the issue and your dissatisfaction.
She could have stated, "Why did you change my copy? I carefully selected each word and I think the changes detract from the overall feel." Boom. Done. Dissatisfaction has been conveyed without sounding like a child.
Exactly - asking questions will get someone to realize that they fucked up, and if they're at all conscientious, as the post's author appears to be, they'll feel bad enough, with no need for a harsh tone.
I would view asking questions to get someone to realize that they fucked up as passive aggressive. Ask if you're genuinely curious, but if it's clear that your friend/coworker/cofounder screwed up by meddling in something that they don't have expertise in, then call them on it!
Actually, your example includes the best reason for restating the objection. ""Why did you change my copy? I carefully selected each word" ... where the word selection refers to co-founder's response to Jesse.
Why choose words carefully when communicating to the public / investors, and not to team members / partners?
It obviously depends on the kind of people you're working with. If it's with someone who you've been in the trenches with for a while, then formality is often something you both discard.
I do agree that you should be able to say how you feel, but "You fucking changed my CSS" is an overreaction. I work on a project with 4 or 5 other people. Sometimes they change something and it breaks me, and sometimes I change things and it breaks them. When that happens I can choose to react in a few ways:
Of the 4, #3 is probably the most appropriate reaction and can easily be stated as "Why did you make this change? It broke functionality/function X!" And it easily conveys the issue and your dissatisfaction.She could have stated, "Why did you change my copy? I carefully selected each word and I think the changes detract from the overall feel." Boom. Done. Dissatisfaction has been conveyed without sounding like a child.