- My father had me at age 44. Moved the same year into their first home, and he got a new break with a small business loan to start what would become a then famous restaurant for his generation.
- My good friend and godfather to my son is living his best life now about to enter his 50s. He started a PhD program in his late 30s, and was going into his 40s with Covid upheaving all the universities unsure if he was going to make it. He preserved and received tenure.
- Our pastor at age 58 was a deacon for decades, unsure if he would ever get to realize his dream of becoming a minister. He devoted most of his entire life to this cause. Most recently, he was traveling 3-4 hours to help our community with services, and because of his dedication was noticed by our bishop and was elevated to the priesthood for a new parish community, something unheard of if you know how these things work. At age 60 he now lives in a new place in a new home with a new job, and is thriving.
The key strand in all of this was faith, hope, and perseverance (not necessarily in that order). I have been depressed. Most of my family are. Try to therapy if you can. Even if you don't "believe in it" simply having someone there to talk to can help you work through those thoughts you are having. What I learned is to be more forgiving with myself. You can feel depressed. It's ok. So many people do. It's unfortunately now a normal part of this broken world. But refuse to let it conquer you. Stand up to it. Battle it. Create yourself a mental advocate to fire back at those dark thoughts. Even if you think it' silly, then do it for silliness sake. Don't let those dark thoughts control you. Preservere. Keep the faith. Put one foot in front of the other, even if it seems pointless, even if it seems all for naught. Fortune favors those who try.
You seem to know what the first step is. Take it. Come back to the states. Get involved in a community. There are so many here. Go out on a limb, try a place you never would think to go. If you feel like you are at the bottom, then you only have everything to gain.
- My father had me at age 44. Moved the same year into their first home, and he got a new break with a small business loan to start what would become a then famous restaurant for his generation.
- My good friend and godfather to my son is living his best life now about to enter his 50s. He started a PhD program in his late 30s, and was going into his 40s with Covid upheaving all the universities unsure if he was going to make it. He preserved and received tenure.
- Our pastor at age 58 was a deacon for decades, unsure if he would ever get to realize his dream of becoming a minister. He devoted most of his entire life to this cause. Most recently, he was traveling 3-4 hours to help our community with services, and because of his dedication was noticed by our bishop and was elevated to the priesthood for a new parish community, something unheard of if you know how these things work. At age 60 he now lives in a new place in a new home with a new job, and is thriving.
The key strand in all of this was faith, hope, and perseverance (not necessarily in that order). I have been depressed. Most of my family are. Try to therapy if you can. Even if you don't "believe in it" simply having someone there to talk to can help you work through those thoughts you are having. What I learned is to be more forgiving with myself. You can feel depressed. It's ok. So many people do. It's unfortunately now a normal part of this broken world. But refuse to let it conquer you. Stand up to it. Battle it. Create yourself a mental advocate to fire back at those dark thoughts. Even if you think it' silly, then do it for silliness sake. Don't let those dark thoughts control you. Preservere. Keep the faith. Put one foot in front of the other, even if it seems pointless, even if it seems all for naught. Fortune favors those who try.
You seem to know what the first step is. Take it. Come back to the states. Get involved in a community. There are so many here. Go out on a limb, try a place you never would think to go. If you feel like you are at the bottom, then you only have everything to gain.
Wishing you the best, and praying for you.