Here's a thought - through proactively seeking help by posting on HN, you just made it to the front page.
You got feedback from people across the world. Some highly skilled (and paid) people stopped what they are doing to help because they understand and want to help. There are a lot of people who want to help. Some have been where you are.
Most people on this thread are vastly more positive about your outlook than you are - some of them because of their personal experience. The only person who thinks you are completely stuck is you.
As many other people have said, even if everything else is too complex, you need to get a therapist. Use your savings if you have to. If it's not working, get another therapist until you find the right one. It will work.
You got feedback from people across the world. Some highly skilled (and paid) people stopped what they are doing to help because they understand and want to help. There are a lot of people who want to help. Some have been where you are.
Most people on this thread are vastly more positive about your outlook than you are - some of them because of their personal experience. The only person who thinks you are completely stuck is you.
As many other people have said, even if everything else is too complex, you need to get a therapist. Use your savings if you have to. If it's not working, get another therapist until you find the right one. It will work.