> In the past my thought process almost exactly mirrored yours. It's only due to a bunch of years of observing these dynamics in multiple teams did I realize that these expectations I had were off. SW folks, as much as they try to deny it, are as emotional as anyone else. Everyone is emotional - they just manifest it in different ways.
That does not describe my thought process at all. Of course software people are as emotional as anyone else. No part of my argument is about software people being unemotional - and no part of my argument is about software people in particular. It applies to everyone who's trying to get a job done. If your altos and sopranos aren't blending because they're using different vowels, that isn't about how they feeling, that's about the vowels they're using. If your choir director isn't able to notice that, that isn't about an emotional desire for a particular choir director, that's because it's the choir director's job to notice it.
Yes, you can be upset or sad or exasperated at the choir director. You can be jealous that he has the job and you don't. You can even be indifferent. That's all worth addressing if you want a happy choir, sure, but none of that changes that the choir director's job is to notice when the altos and sopranos aren't pronouncing their vowels the same. The purpose of a choir (even a community choir that never performs) isn't to make a happy choir, it's to make good music. People are in the choir because they think making good music will make them happy - and everyone knows that, that's not an interesting observation.
> I've worked on plenty of technical problems that arose because people did not get along.
I have, too. I've also worked on plenty of technical problems that would have been equally present had everyone got along. I think whoever told you that there are "no technical problems" had a pretty limited view of the world. Sure, many problems are from behind-the-scenes social problems. I'd maybe even say that most problems that actually get solved are those. But it hardly means that if you had a company full of people who were perfect empaths operating in perfect good faith, you'd have no technical problems left.
(And, again, same for other fields - I've been in plenty of choirs with interpersonal problems, and the altos not liking the sopranos and the soprano who's unwilling to admit she's really an alto certainly aren't make things easier, but solving those won't magically make you blend!)
> You are not going to succeed unless you deal with the social problem? No matter how bullet proof your technical solution is.
Firmly agree. But you're also not going to succeed without a technical solution, either. Yes, if you've built out the pre-push CI, figuring out why people don't want to switch to it is a social problem, and you must solve that. But you also have to build it, and take any technical concerns they raise into account.
I'm not seeing how the choir director example relates to mine. In my particular case, if you mean someone like the manager is the choir director who decides: Well, at the moment he can't, as he isn't actively involved in the code base, so he doesn't know all the issues. He wants the team to discuss it (and he'll monitor the discussion) so that all the issues come to the table. Then with all the feedback, he can make an informed decision/suggestion.
But he's stuck at the stage where multiple people are arguing in a very non-constructive manner, and so he can't see all the issues on the table. How can he get the different parties to talk without merely repeating their stance?
There are clearly emotions involved. And yes, I do agree with you that it is not necessary for people to discuss them. However, if they are discussed well, then it makes the rest of the discussion easier. The "discussing well" is what many communications books are trying to address. Trying to get to the technical aspects that are causing these feelings is a good idea, but a lot harder if you don't know the feelings.
One person involved is quite senior, incredibly competent, and very rarely gets into arguments. He's definitely getting into one. So there are clearly strong emotions at play. If he's upset, he has a good reason. And at the moment he's refusing to engage and is building walls. Now this might be because the other party is perceived as being dismissive, so he doesn't want to waste time in the discussion.
When one person is appearing dismissive, and the other person is clamming up, how do you get them to talk so that the manager has all the factors to consider on the table? Note that the notion that one is dismissive and the other is upset are merely how I have observed the dialogue - and I may be off. Any attempt at starting a discussion where it is accepted that one side is being dismissive and the other stubborn is likely to blow up.
That does not describe my thought process at all. Of course software people are as emotional as anyone else. No part of my argument is about software people being unemotional - and no part of my argument is about software people in particular. It applies to everyone who's trying to get a job done. If your altos and sopranos aren't blending because they're using different vowels, that isn't about how they feeling, that's about the vowels they're using. If your choir director isn't able to notice that, that isn't about an emotional desire for a particular choir director, that's because it's the choir director's job to notice it.
Yes, you can be upset or sad or exasperated at the choir director. You can be jealous that he has the job and you don't. You can even be indifferent. That's all worth addressing if you want a happy choir, sure, but none of that changes that the choir director's job is to notice when the altos and sopranos aren't pronouncing their vowels the same. The purpose of a choir (even a community choir that never performs) isn't to make a happy choir, it's to make good music. People are in the choir because they think making good music will make them happy - and everyone knows that, that's not an interesting observation.
> I've worked on plenty of technical problems that arose because people did not get along.
I have, too. I've also worked on plenty of technical problems that would have been equally present had everyone got along. I think whoever told you that there are "no technical problems" had a pretty limited view of the world. Sure, many problems are from behind-the-scenes social problems. I'd maybe even say that most problems that actually get solved are those. But it hardly means that if you had a company full of people who were perfect empaths operating in perfect good faith, you'd have no technical problems left.
(And, again, same for other fields - I've been in plenty of choirs with interpersonal problems, and the altos not liking the sopranos and the soprano who's unwilling to admit she's really an alto certainly aren't make things easier, but solving those won't magically make you blend!)
> You are not going to succeed unless you deal with the social problem? No matter how bullet proof your technical solution is.
Firmly agree. But you're also not going to succeed without a technical solution, either. Yes, if you've built out the pre-push CI, figuring out why people don't want to switch to it is a social problem, and you must solve that. But you also have to build it, and take any technical concerns they raise into account.