That could be true in absolute terms, but my impression is that most of your competition can't manage much more than "hey, you're cute" come-ons or worse, so to stand out you just need not be a shallow jerk (apologies to people who are looking for shallow jerks, I'm sure they need love too). I met my last three partners online, over a spread over more than a decade, and that general pattern hasn't changed, talking to them about the people they rejected.
This single fact is one of the most important aspects of online dating.
Many years ago, a woman responded to my message with a reply that included the phrase "at least you don't sound desperate."
I had no idea what that meant, so when we met I asked her and she showed me the many messages she received from other men. It was appalling to say the least. The messages were so awful and pathetic it was hard for me to understand how low their self-esteem had to be. Message after message made it clear that these guys felt they were out of options and were desperately messaging anyone in the hopes of a lucky positive reply. What woman they thought would find this attractive, I have no idea!
Suddenly the success I was having in online dating became clear. Just being pleasant and positive was putting me head and shoulders above what I would be reluctant to call competition.
tl/dr:
Guys, just be nice, polite, friendly and have a positive spin to your dating messages/emails etc. That alone puts you in the top 1%.
To add another anecdote to yours, as a woman dating online, the vast majority of the messages I've received from men are "hey you're cute" or worse. The messages I've received from women are much more likely to be better, but there are much fewer of them.
I don't doubt you get a lot awful messages from men. Dates have showed me their Tinder / OKCupid apps, and not only was I surprised to see just how many messages women actually do receive, but also how bad they were - generic or rude or outright creepy.
But having briefly used Bumble, where the women must message the guy first, I never received a message better than 'hey, hows it going?'.
Now honestly, I don't believe that's because these women couldn't figure out a better opener. I just don't think they needed to because most men receive far fewer messages and will reply to any match.
> But having briefly used Bumble, where the women must message the guy first, I never received a message better than 'hey, hows it going?'.
To be fair, Bumble doesn't include a lot of space for you to talk about your interests. If I can't get an idea for who you are based on a picture (yes, most guys only have one), what more can I say other than introduce myself? My go-to icebreaker is "Hi! I'm Ali. I'm bad at this."
Edit: I should also note that Bumble isn't a great dating app if you also interested in same-sex relationships. Not relevant to the parent comment, but relevant to me.
What else could you possibly write to some stranger that you know nothing about except maybe 2-3 pictures?
You'd have to at least put some hobby or interest in your profile that I might relate to... But just asking about something very specific as a first message also sounds weird.
I really just wanna say "Hi" and see where it goes from there... What do women want?
