I agree with much of what you say, but I do take issue with the idea that "what makes you good at being an elite soldier makes you really bad at being a companion to other humans that aren't also an elite special forces soldier." Certainly the time required to develop and maintain elite fighting skills takes away from the time one could spend on personal and familial relationships, but there's nothing intrinsic to the makeup of an elite soldier that detracts from one's ability to relate to other people. I have a family member who is retired from a special forces unit with all that entails (lots of deployments, medals, injuries, lost comrades, etc.) who is a good husband and father, patient, calm, resourceful and helpful, and generally the kind of guy you'd like to have as a neighbor. I think he had some advantages that many special ops guys don't always have such as very strong family ties throughout his deployments and not getting married until after his deployments were over, but he's certainly not the only one from his unit to do well in retirement.
I've been friends two former Navy UDT team members (precursor to the SEALs), both of whom were Korean war vets, and one former SEAL. One was an old girlfriend's dad and the kind of person you describe--unassuming, very decent family guy who I liked a lot. I had no idea he'd even been in the military, much less done insane things deep in North Korean territory, until I asked his daughter how he'd come to start a diving services company.
The other former UDT vet was my high school writing teacher, a sort of Yoda figure. He covered the clock in his classroom with a picture of the Buddha, so you got a little jolt of patience training every time you snuck a glance at the clock. Whatever small writing talent I have started with him.
Third was a friend's cousin who who'd left the service in his mid-thirties. For a while we were drinking buddies. We road bikes together for a while too, but that didn't last long--he was in such phenomenally better shape than me, despite training half as much, it was a mismatch. We were a mismatch in general--he was a bro's bro and I was like his token hippie friend. But we had fun boozing around for a while, and he was in no way damaged goods.
Speaking of booze, one amazing thing about Sadler was his ability to write so many potboilers while drinking so hard. I don't drink anymore, in large part because my productivity just went to shit when I was drunk all the time. Maybe it's more feasible to write purple prose than code when you're loaded.
The way I treat my family is different because they're my family.
I don't usually enjoy interactions with new people because we differ so greatly in our priorities, focus, and sensitivity to violence.
If you lived on Mars for 10 years you probably wouldn't have much in common with someone who was born and raised on Earth. Some Martian's would fair better than others of course. New friendships might be more a factor of their gregariousness or how much they miss Mars though.
I guess I should have clarified when they are in active duty. Back in civilian world / outside of that environment, yeah sure, can be pretty normal folks.
