What's wrong with them?

Where to start..

For one, while we're on this denormalization topic, postgresql refuses to use indexes sanely when I run queries against views. Heck, I don't see why postgresql even has views if they can't really be used.

Yes, I am complaining about the performance of current implementations of relational databases, not how good they "theoretically" could be. Still, after this many years, it's apparent that they aren't going to be getting better any time soon!

You need to implement materialized views using triggers. Not ideal but sometimes it has to be done.