I agree “standard” is not the right word here. Traefik is very popular in self hosting community, probably the most popular proxy in my experience, followed by NPM (nginx proxy manager) and Caddy as distant third.
Docker swarm v1 is dead, v2 ("swarmkit") is usable. Although, if you want to use it in production, you're probably better of with K8s. Don't get me started on docker using "the same" (but subtly different) file format for its different offerings (compose v2, swarm v2).
For smaller setups maybe look into podman with K8s config files (did not try myself yet).
