Holistic health and spiritual practices to open your mind and heart.
It sounds like you're drowning, being weighted down, by your own biased judgement.
I'd recommend to fast track to bypass your ego mind's unreasonable, unflattering judgement of yourself, to look into Ayahuasca ceremonies - which are legal in many parts of the world including Canada.
You're blocked from seeing your self-worth, and that's a big problem as like attracts like - and having a low self-worth (or low vibration in woo-woo spiritual communities) is going to only attract more of the same, and not bring you the light (shine or lightness) into your life - if you're not shining or feeling light yourself.
Psilocybin mushrooms are another option that may be more readily available but not legal in as many places.
There's a fairly large community of users of psychedelics/entheogens in San Francisco/Silicone Valley, so if you're a developer from that area, or ever take a trip/journey out there - it shouldn't be hard to stumble into like-minded communities of developers who you could venture with spiritually; Steve Jobs was into psychedelics, likely why his mind was opened exponentially to the possibilities he was able to see with Apple's potential.
It sounds like you're drowning, being weighted down, by your own biased judgement.
I'd recommend to fast track to bypass your ego mind's unreasonable, unflattering judgement of yourself, to look into Ayahuasca ceremonies - which are legal in many parts of the world including Canada.
You're blocked from seeing your self-worth, and that's a big problem as like attracts like - and having a low self-worth (or low vibration in woo-woo spiritual communities) is going to only attract more of the same, and not bring you the light (shine or lightness) into your life - if you're not shining or feeling light yourself.
Psilocybin mushrooms are another option that may be more readily available but not legal in as many places.
There's a fairly large community of users of psychedelics/entheogens in San Francisco/Silicone Valley, so if you're a developer from that area, or ever take a trip/journey out there - it shouldn't be hard to stumble into like-minded communities of developers who you could venture with spiritually; Steve Jobs was into psychedelics, likely why his mind was opened exponentially to the possibilities he was able to see with Apple's potential.